You wanna know what happens after you've written 9 versions of a query and your CP says 9 is worse than number 8? Well, the truth is to be able to answer that ? my brain would still have to be forming coherent thoughts. It's not.
So I think it's best if I just relay the following set of events.
Briana, my mc's overachieving older sister, got so frustrated by my thoughts she wrote this.
Your arbitrary process is grating on my creator's nerves so badly she is ready to start killing off my family members, that punk next door, and myself. This is a rather unfortunate situation but as you know I protect my family, so if I'm forced to I will resort to using the book. The problem is I don't know whether to use it on you or my creator. I trust you will remedy this.
Which got a rise out of Brandi and before she passed it to me to be mailed she screamed (as only a teenage girl can) "Quit calling him a punk!" Yes, that's love.
Of course, I'm not nearly crazy enough to mail something like that. (Though, if you've read this far you're probably questioning that).
But Briana's letter really did lighten my mood. And all I could do was think if Briana were in this situation what would she do. I laughed because I knew what Briana would do and that inspired query # 10. (Which, if I were being honest I would have to admit I've though more than once. However, I need an agent so this blog does not promote honesty. I've never thought this. It's merely part of my query inspired insanity and tomorrow I will remember nothing about it).
Phantom Fires is way better than Twilight. The heroine is not an overly altruistic 30 year old woman trapped in a 17 year old girl's body. The hero is not dead (though I must admit I have a thing for hot dead guys that sparkle and shine). No one is drained, or even threatened of being drained and it has fire. If you would like 15% please call me. If not, peace out. *flash to Beth pulling Armani shades over icy blue eyes as she single handedly pulls a cherry jollyrancher lollypop out of her mouth to blow you a kiss*
Disclaimer: I'm terribly sorry if I have offended any well meaning, arbitrary system using agents. In a moment of honesty, I'm sure they would understand just what queries can do to a person who already walks a fine line with sanity.